Scrapblog Post

it feels like nobody will ever really love me. i wish people loved me

I love you

yeah but you're like.. in my head. I mean like, other people. in other bodies. people who can give me hugs or a place to sleep if i need one or... you know what i mean?

Yeah. I know what you mean

But I think people do love you

but like, how do i know it? how can i feel it in my heart?

I don't know

What would being loved look like, do you think?

i see my friends when they're cuddling and playing with each other's bodies and stuff...

i don't know. it's kind of scary to imagine someone touching me like that. i don't know how to be feeling safe when there's that kind of touch. like.. it seems like it can mean a lot of things..

But you trust them, right?

yeah but like, there's trusting someone and then there's trusting them so much that even scary thoughts, even ptsd flashbacks, would feel safe? i don't know if i can trust someone that much?

...

...i'm tired of crying

i don't want to be the crying friend

i want to be the happy friend who has fun and is fun and.. i don't know. why do i have to be hurt?

Life is just like that. We are who we are. We cannot be anyone else.

And I like who you are.

Maybe you can fake it till you make it?

and when i cry for "no reason"?

🫠

Well you can't just do nothing and stay hurting forever?

i guess...

it doesn't feel good to ask a friend to be like.. trauma therapy..

it feels like the dream idea of physical affection is like.. that it would be a nice thing

but crying and fear doesn't feel nice

I couldn't even have a nap today, i just laid in the sun with my eyes closed crying wishing i could rest

What did you cry about?

friends growing and changing and leaving me behind and moving far away and making relationships and ending relationships and loneliness and bad parents and feeling like i'm going to just stay like this forever because it's too scary to change

That's a pretty scary idea. Maybe more scary than trying to learn how to feel loved?

about the same amount scary

...

I don't know what else to say except I'm sorry. You deserve to feel loved.

do you feel loved?? Do you want to?

By you, by Tyr. That's about it. Not many people really know me.

But I know I can be loved. It seems like you don't?

yeah well you're more normal

Like age wise?

yeah,,

🫤 I guess

I think people will understand. Not saying it will be easy. But I think they can.

Can I help?

...

Does anything help?

Phoenix?

*poke*